Portrait of Writing Moms, Homeschooling, Faith, Writing
"So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it."
1 Thessalonians 5:11 The Message
Paula, thanks so much for coming by to share with me about your journey as a SAHM, homeschooler and writer. I'm so excited to have this opportunity to learn and glean from your experience. All the questions come from my own personal struggles with balancing all God has blessed me with, and my hope is that others will be able to take something away as well.
Tell us a little about your family and your call to homeschool and write.
My husband and I have homeschooled since the birth of the first of our four children. We have a daughter, who is almost 15, and three boys ranging in age from 8 to 13. As a young girl, I had 3 goals. I wanted to teach (which I did before having children), have aq bunch of kids, and write.
I did teach, then came home to raise my children and follow the prompting to homeschool. (I’ll talk more about homeschooling in the next question.) As a young mother I became aware that God had called me to write, but I also knew I wasn’t released to pursue publication. The children’s needs were just too demanding. Also, I didn’t know it at the time, but God wanted to do some healing in my life before releasing me to publish. He did that about six years ago.
About five years ago, I sat down at the computer on a whim and within a couple of months had written my first novel, which is not yet published. This experience threw me into the writing world. Recently, God has opened door for me to publish within the homeschool community. You can read the story of my writing dreams in an article published on Crosswalk.com. (
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/home_school/1375423.html)
I think it is important to note that I wrote that first book after the all the children were able to dress themselves and be trusted to spend some time alone. Even then, the novel was mostly written when my husband was at home or when he took the children to activities. I couldn’t have meet the needs of the children and written that novel without his help meeting their needs for attention.
Why do you believe homeschooling is the right choice for your family?
Even while I was in high school, I thought I’d one day homeschool. I can only believe God put it on my heart because I didn’t know anyone who did it. My Senior research paper was about children who’d been pushed quickly into the academic world at a young age and how the effects were often damaging. Perhaps that first shaped my ideals. I began to synthesize what I thought was best for children in relationship to academics and I believed it was to learn at their own rate as they were ready for new concepts in a loving and relational environment. I believed they needed a lot of time with their parents. My college degree in education didn’t change my mind about all of that.
My husband and I dreamed of homeschooling during our engagement period. The calling never went away. But, as I wrote in the article I reference above, that didn’t mean I always wanted to follow through with the personal sacrifice it required, especially what I saw as a long-term delay of my writing dreams.
How do you balance being a homeschooling mom, wife, and writer?
I have to chuckle at this question. I asked Marilyn Griffith, new author and then homeschooling mom, the same thing a couple of years ago. She basically said, “I have no idea. I just cling to Jesus.”
I didn’t like her answer too well, but I have found it to be true. I seek to follow His leading. There seem to be seasons when I write more and seasons when I have to let it go and focus on the children. Something He’s been showing me this year is that I also have to make time for recreation and friendship for myself or I don’t do well at either job and begin to dry up inside of myself.
Do you ever feel like you’re neglecting your children when you write?
Of course! Like I said, it is a constant seeking of balance and discernment. For me, there’s no easy answer, like “mommy’s time to write is from 1-4” or something. Kids are kids. They need me when they need me. Someone always needs a ride somewhere. I need to help them work through their fusses. Sometimes they just need my presence.
But, one thing that helps is God has been showing me that I need to make the writing ministry He is giving me a team effort. Marilyn Griffith, who has seven children and is publishing fiction, says this, too. I used to try to protect my children from my writing. Now, I try to be wise about when I write, but I can expect them to let me focus and work when it is appropriate. Of course, the youngest is 8. You couldn’t ask a four year old to be patient like that.
Another thing that helps our family is that I share my journey with them. They often pray for my writing endeavors. When I hear from a reader, I’ll sometimes share with my children how God impacted the reader. I think it helps them see the big picture and know they are a part of the team that helped bless that person.
If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?
Recently, I went through a very difficult season. I found myself drying up and I didn’t like the way I felt much of the time—tired, stressed, even discouraged. I actually wrote about that, too. You can read the article that came out of that journey on Crosswalk at:
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/home_school/1381840.htmlI’m not sure I have figured that one all out, but I do know I pray a lot. Not beautiful, spiritual prayers—more like the raw, “please help!” desperation kind of prayers.
Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?The first article I referenced tells this story. I struggled to homeschool in the first place because I knew it would mean a long delay of my writing dreams. When I followed God’s prompting in obedience, He reminded me that He was the keeper of my dreams. I didn’t do much writing for probably ten years after that experience, certainly not for publication.
I consistently ask God these questions. Recently, I did some deep soul-searching about my book writing, whether it was appropriate for this stage. The shorter articles are easier for me to balance. I prayed about this over several months, but never felt God tell me to let it go. Rather, it seems He just reminds me to trust Him daily for the schedule, the priorities, and the focus. Sometimes I wish He would just itemize things for me so I would know exactly what I should be doing, but I think He’s more interested in relationship with me. Being dependent on Him every minute keeps my focus where it should be—on His love, empowerment, and position of authority in my life.
Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing or homeschooling, that maybe you should be doing something else?
I think everyone has times of doubt or discouragement. On the surface I’ve had both. In my heart, though, when I dig deep enough, I remember the way He has led and trust that He will show me if I get off track.
What did you do to encourage yourself during those stormy days every home schooler has?
I think the most important thing that has carried me through in motherhood and homeschooling is coming to an ever-deepening understanding of God’s grace. I tend to blame myself when we have bad days—you know, if I were a better mother this wouldn’t have happened. I’m learning that He completely loves and accepts me even when I fail or I look around and see a less-than-perfect family. He doesn’t expect perfection. A perfect life is what we have in heaven. He gives us a desire for Him and He is delighted by our devotion, even when our execution is less than parr. In short, I’m learning to forgive myself and understand that God doesn’t condemn me when we have a bad day.
How do you handle interruptions in your writing life?I’m perfect—sweet and patient and never angry. I praise God that the toilet overflowed, the kids fussed, the dryer broke, and all four children need a ride to a different sports event at the same time. I am completely at peace.
Okay, seriously, sometimes I just go to my room and cry. :o)
There’s no good answer. Life is a minute-by-minute experience and you take it as it comes. Sometimes, I go with the interruption and see it’s more important for that moment. Other times, I get really frustrated.
How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?
I’ve found that often something really upsetting happens when I’m under a writing deadline or right before there’s a new step in my writing. Many times I just throw myself at God’s feet and pray for the ability to focus back on the writing. Many, many deadlines have been met after my husband prays for me or I ask for prayer from friends. In a practical sense, rereading whatever I was working on before the interruption helps me get back in the flow.
How do you position yourself to HEAR God’s voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?
I’m believing more and more that God does everything, including making sure I hear Him. My job is trusting that He does. There have been times I very clearly heard God’s voice and His Spirit set me upon a particular path—but that path will become hard or not meet my expectations and I’ll doubt. Sometimes He confirms the initial direction He gave me, but sometimes He just asks me to keep going in faith until the next time He intervenes.
I pray often that I’ll hear His Voice. I try to read the Bible and spiritual books. I often ask for prayer from others, but honestly, I believe the key to the Christian life is to believe that HE will speak when He wants us to listen and He’ll make sure we get it. My part is simply having an open heart and waiting—and obeying when I am given specific direction. I’ve also found that He often leads through a deep, sometimes illogical peace in my heart. Way down deep, when I push through all the emotion, His desires have been planted in my heart and I know them. A book that really helped me with this is Revolution Within by Dwight Edward. (There’s a book review on my website,
www.soulscents.us, under non-fiction books.)
Do you have any writing accomplishments you’d like to share?
Something totally unexpected was that my article, “Guilt of A Homeschool Mom,” (
http://crosswalk.com/family/home_school/1316485.html) was the #1 ranked article on Crosswalk.com’s homeschool channel. Interestingly, my most recent novel, begun last fall, speaks to some of the same issues I wrote about in the article—a mom’s struggle with guilt and inadequacy. This article has opened up other doors for speaking and writing in the homeschool community. It was one of those things God just did. I didn’t make that happen.
Is there anything else you’d like to say?In all my life, not just homeschooling and writing, I’m seeking to walk in peace and faith. The Scripture that talks about how His yoke is easy and His burden is light is not just hyperbole. I used to see the Christian walk as constantly striving to be good enough. Now, I understand that it is about how HE is good enough and has given me His righteousness through His death on the cross.
As God takes this understanding deeper within me, it is changing my whole schemata of life. I am asking Him to help me learn to rest in Him—to trust that He will lead me as the Bible says. The verse I’ve clung to the last few years is “He will lead me on the best pathway for my life. He will guide me and watch over me.” (My paraphrase of a Psalm.) I explored the idea of God controlling our destiny in a devotional series on my website, Soul Scents. (
www.soulscents.us). Part of the writing God has placed before me in the last couple of years includes writing a free weekly devotional. Readers can subscribe at my website to receive. I also talk a lot about my journey on my blog,
www.gracereign.blogspot.com. One of the on-going series there are posts about a study I’m doing on the Song of Solomon, which shows God’s great love for us. But, the blog also just does fun stuff, like interview authors of my favorite books.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom with me. May God bless you as you write, raise your children and pursue His calling in your life.
I hold your blessing close to my heart, Gina. God has you on a marvelous journey of your own and I watch with anticipation to see how He blesses you, your family, and your writing.
Today ended my sons' performances as Oliver and Dodger. What should have been a wonderful ending to a crazy ride, turned out to be a nightmare. I had been under the misguided assumption that all the performances would be video taped, and with four Olivers I thought that was a wise decision, a decision that would make everyone happy. Well, I found out today that yesterday was the only day they were taping, and it was of the OTHER Oliver, the late comer who was added to the show as Oliver three weeks before opening night. GRRRR....
