Portraits of Writing Moms, Homeschooling, Interview

Marilynn, the first time I met you at the ACFW conference in Nashville, I knew you were my kind of gal. Funny, down to earth and honest. I really enjoyed your debut book, Made of Honor. What other projects do you have coming out in 2006?

Gina, it was great meeting you too! I’m so glad you enjoyed MADE OF HONOR. My other 2006 books are PINK and JADE, the first two books in my Shades of Style series with Baker Revell.

After hearing your talk on BEYOND EIGHT MINUTES: THE 5 W’s AND THE H OF A WRITER’S LIFE, I was deeply touched and knew I needed to hear every word of it.
I recently popped in the MP3 recording of that workshop and realized the first two W’s in my life were out of whack. Can you briefly touch on these 5 W’s and the H of a writer’s life?

The thought of you listening to that mp3 more than once is a little frightening, but I so appreciate you attending my workshops. I’d love to share the 5 W’s and an H with your readers. I continue to work on them myself. In no particular order, they are: the Word, Water, Worship, Walk, Write and Helping someone else. These are my big rocks each day and when I miss some, I feel it.

When I heard your story of home schooling seven children and writing, I was in awe. How did you do it?

I wish I could give you some big miraculous story, but it was pretty boring. We got up, we went through our day and I kept a notebook nearby. I scribbled down things as they came to me and either stayed up late or got up early. I had to believe that if I could get to the page, God would meet me there. And He did.

Do you think it’s possible to give yourself fully to raising children, home schooling, writing and keeping in shape? In my life I don’t feel I can give all these areas 100%. Is it possible or should I stop striving to “do it all” and just do what I can and not feel guilty about it?

I don’t think it’s possible to give 100% to anything but seeking Jesus with your whole heart. In our times, success is the goal, but no one explains that true success often requires complete failure. I tell people if you can quit writing, do. If you can’t let it go, then write, but always be honest about your motivations and expectations. I think as women, we have to learn to ask for help and to say no and not feel guilty. Everyday, my biggest task is separating the urgent from the important. A book marketing task or deadline is definitely urgent, but my family and my health are important. Sometimes it’s hard to know which is which, but your family will let you know when you cross the lines.

Did you ever feel like you were neglecting your children when you wrote?

Absolutely. I think mother’s guilt is in the hormones or something. Then I realized that perhaps teaching them that I was at their every beck and call wasn’t the wisest parenting strategy either. I try to make my writing a team effort. I can tell when they are getting fatigued. I was gone for the past two weekends and today there was a local event where I could have probably sold a lot of books. I stayed home. I can’t do everything.

How did you keep everything in balance?

I don’t. I don’t even try. I lay my “to do” down before the Lord and ask for direction. Sometimes that plays out in a very unbalanced way, but it works somehow. I try to communicate with my family what’s going on with me and really listen to what’s going on with them. When I’m not writing, I try not to be mentally writing, but it’s hard. Writing goes on all the time. Again, balance is a team effort.

Do you ever feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?

Absolutely. I’m in leadership in a large writer’s organization and that in addition to marketing two books, writing another and my regular family responsibilities led me to some bad food choices for several months. I’m currently spending less time in marketing and online in order to exercise and cook more balanced meals.

Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?

Yes, twice in fact. The first time was before I’d finished my first book. I was so desperate to finish, to be published. I just wanted to finish that novel and get to the next step. During worship one Sunday, the word that came forth was about laboring to rest and checking the motivations of the heart. After some prayer, I set the book aside for months and one night I woke up in the middle of the night frantic to know the ending of that story. I didn’t care if it was published. I needed to know for me. God was ministering to me. I finished that book and things started to happen.

Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing or homeschooling, that maybe you should be doing something else?

Of course. There will always be those moments where we wonder, “Did I miss it?” Homeschooling was a wonderful experience for me and it was also easier for me to deal with. (I know that sounds crazy, but all the driving and running around gets to me). We did a few activities that everyone participated in, we had Bible time together, etc. Still, some of our children had some academic challenges that needed addressing and I needed to let go of some of my control issues. Sometimes I think it was actually me who was being homeschooled and they were humoring me. LOL I just try to follow what God is doing today. We always took homeschooling one year at a time.

What did you do to encourage yourself during those stormy days every homeschooler has?

Call my girlfriends! Seriously, I have two homeschooling friends with very strong faith and wonderful hearts for the Lord. Many times, they said what I needed to hear to get me through. Other times, I’d think back over what we had learned and see that there really was progress, especially in the ways that mattered, loving God with all their hearts and minds. Other times, I just had to grit my teeth and hang on. By spring, the new catalogs would come and I’d forget my winter breakdown. LOL

Do you feel you’ve accomplished all God had for your family while you homeschooled?

I feel that God accomplished all He had for our family while we homeschooled. I had a lot of plans and programs when I first started out, but as time went on, I relaxed my death grip a bit. My kids went to school with no real changes and they were ahead in some areas and behind in others, but they have worked hard. Most of them are now on honor roll and I’ve had great comments from their teachers about how good homeschooling must be because they are polite and decent kids.

How did you come about the decision to stop homeschooling and write full time? Was it an easy decision?

It was a hard decision, but one I’d been wrestling with even before I started writing. I still love to read with my kids and feel that all of life is an opportunity to learn. Outside of deciding one year at a time, we’d always planned to really think things over when we had a child ready to enter high school. In many ways, homeschooling was easier for me and more suited to my personality, but some of my children are very different from me and wanted to learn in a different environment. I’ve still had three kids home most of the day, but it will probably be really hard for me when I get to the point that I have no more kids at home during the day.

How do you handle interruptions in your writing life?

Better sometimes than others. For the most part, my life is one ongoing interruption so it doesn’t bother me too much. But there are times when I’m so far into what I’m doing that I give the “if you’re not bleeding, ask your Dad” signal.

How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?

In order to finish a manuscript at all, I’ve had to learn to write in short bursts. If I can’t get right back into the story, I’ll start journaling from a character’s point of view or writing down what I know about the story, after a few minutes, something usually comes to mind. Sometimes, when I’m really going and my writing time ends, instead of continuing, I write a few sentences about what should happen next. When I come back, I jump right on those sentences.

How do you position yourself to HEAR God’s voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?

I think it was Susanna Wesley who threw her apron over her head. I go in the bathroom or close my eyes. Often, I get on my knees right in the middle of it. My kids know what that means.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Nope, I think I’ve said quite a mouthful, thank you!

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom with me. May God bless you as you write, raise your children and pursue His calling in your life.

Thank you for your insightful questions and this great opportunity to share with other moms. May God bless you and all your readers as each of you seek to hear God’s voice and raise up godly children.