Follow Up Interview Mary DeMuth

Portrait of Writing Mom, Homeschooler, Faith, Writing, Interview

Tell us a little about your family and homeschool?

I have three children: Sophie (13), Aidan (10), and Julia (8). We currently don’t homeschool; however I did homeschool Sophie for kindergarten and first grade because, at that time, I didn’t feel comfortable with the school system.

How long have you been writing and what do you write?

I’ve been writing for 14 years. I started off as a newsletter designer and editor, then branched off into writing articles for magazines. Eventually I became a newspaper columnist. Four years ago, when Julia was in preschool, I got serious about my writing, wrote a book, went to my first major writing conference, and met my agent.

Tell us a little about your latest projects.

Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God released in 2005 with Harvest House Publishers. It’s a 60-day devotional for moms. I’ve heard it’s been featured at homeschool conventions. I wanted to write a devotional for thinking moms. I personally grew tired of fluffy writing for women.

Building the Christian Family You Never Had released January 2006 with WaterBrook Publishers. This is a book for those of us who don’t want to duplicate the homes we were raised in. It was a painfully hard book to write because I tell the story of my upbringing in it. The hero of the book is Jesus, who stooped low to rescue me, and set my feet upon a better foundation. By God’s grace, I am parenting differently than how I was parented.

Watching the Tree Limbs released March 2006 with NavPress. This is a novel about a young abandoned girl whose life spins out of control, and the long redemptive hand of God. Its sequel Wishing on Dandelions releases in September

Living abroad has to have its challenges. What are you doing all the way in France and how do you cope with raising kids in a foreign country?

It’s very hard. We put our children in French schools—a really hard decision. Homeschooling here has not been an option. We are trying to be legitimate to the French government as we plant a church. Homeschooling makes officials think we are in a cult. The kids cried a lot the first year (we’ve been here two years), but now that they are fluent and have made friends, it’s been worth the struggle. Just this year, my eldest led her avowed Atheistic friend to Jesus. And another girl is getting close. It’s been tremendous to watch.

Raising children in America is tough enough. How do you encourage yourself during those stormy days , especially in a foreign country?

Pray. Talk to good friends. Set limits on activities. Don’t overextend.

I’m still awed at how moms find the time to write really good books. In your life how do you balance it all?

It’s certainly not easy. When my kids were young, I wrote around their schedules, but I didn’t produce much. I spent a lot of time writing in obscurity, which, in the long run, has really enhanced my writing today. In those ten years of writing before publication, I honed my voice, made lots of mistakes, and also gained confidence. Now? I have a writing schedule. I write when my children are in school and try very hard (though at times, when I’m under deadline, I fail) to quit when they come home.

Is it even possible to give yourself fully to raising children, writing and keeping in shape, or do some things have to be neglected at times?

Of course, life is a crazy balance. One book that’s been particularly helpful to me is The Power of Full Engagement by Loehr and Schwartz. They speak about managing energy rather than time. It really helped me to understand the importance of rest, rhythm and taking time to refuel. Keeping in shape has really helped me cope with the loads of stress we have here in France (church planting, child rearing, writing full time, coping with the language and cultural differences). When I run in the mornings, I hear God’s voice.

Do you ever feel like you’re neglecting your children when you write?

Sure, there are times I feel that way. Sometimes that means I stop. Sometimes that means I explain. I have a life coach who helps me stay accountable to my schedule, particularly to my children, and I’ve given close friends and my husband permission to tell me when I’ve gotten too busy. One good thing, though, is that my children are my biggest cheerleaders. They celebrated when I landed an agent. They screamed when I got my first contract. They jumped up and down when my first book arrived in the mail. It’s been such a fun adventure, having them alongside me.

If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?

Pray. Repent. Reorganize. If necessary, ask forgiveness.

If you could do this parenting, writing thing all over again, what would you do differently?

I don’t know. I’m pretty thankful for my dear family who have supported me so well in this crazy dream of mine. The calling God has placed on my life is very strong (of course it takes second place to following Jesus and being a good wife and mother). I really feel these past few years have been guided by Jesus.

Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?

I’m taking a break this summer to regroup and refresh. I’m happy to do that. Though, I must say, I am happier when I write. I feel God’s smile when I do.

Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing, that maybe you should be doing something else? Removed homeschooling so I could answer

No. I am confident God has called me to do this.

How do you know when you’re in God’s will?

I have His peace. I have heard from many good, godly folks who have confirmed this calling on my life. I give others permission (particularly my prayer team) to let me know if I’ve strayed. Being a missionary to France is hard. Writing is hard. Being a mom is hard. But I know God has called me to do all three.

How do you position yourself to HEAR God’s voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?

I get quiet. I hear Him when I run in the hills of Southern France (it’s surprisingly quiet here). I no longer watch much TV, so my day is quieter.

When do you find the time to write, and how do you handle interruptions in your writing life?

I have a writing schedule. I’ve learned to be kind when I’m interrupted and to gauge whether the interruption merits my attention or if it can be dealt with later.

How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?

Take a deep breath and go forward.

Tell me about how you got your first writing break.

I suppose it was meeting my agent at a writer’s conference. You can’t really sell a book to a publisher without an agent. When I went to the writer’s conference, I didn’t even know I needed an agent. So I didn’t really pursue one. But a few weeks after the conference, an agent from the premier Christian literary agencies in the states emailed me and said he wanted to agent me. Wow. I screamed. My kids hollered. My husband celebrated. From that point on, I’ve been writing books that have been published. I chalk it up to God’s sovereign hand.

What do you hope to accomplish through your novels?

When someone puts one of my novels down, I want them to long for more of Jesus and His healing redemption in their lives.

What advice would you give to writing moms?

Keep at it. Write when you can. Don’t despise laboring in obscurity. It’s a time for you to hone your voice, to learn the craft of writing.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Pray for our family as we plant a church in Southern France. It’s a difficult place to plant a church and there’s a lot of spiritual warfare.

Thank you so much for stopping by! May God bless you as you write, raise your children and pursue His calling in your life.

For more from this author visit
www.relevantblog.blogspot.com
www.pioneerparenting.blogspot.com
www.relevantprose.com

What Number Are You?

Every time I read Mary's article on "Pubishing doesn't Validate Your Life" it helps me put my own writing journey into perspective.

I'm a very competitive goal oriented person. I like to plan, dream and work to make it happen in whatever I do. Sometimes though, I plan and move forward on my own, without the leading of God. That's how it's been in my writing for a while. I would plunge into a story line without consulting the one who gave that story to me. I got lost in my creation and forgot the Creator.

When that happens (and it still does), I feel the leading of God pull back. If I don't heed the voice of God, then I know he'll do something more drastic to get my attention.

Since I'm not writing on my WIP right now, I've poured myself into this blog. But I feel myself slipping to the dark side again. Becoming obsessed with hits and counters and referrals from websites. Thankfully God revealed this to me, I've put it in his hands. So what if I don't have tens of thousands of hits. I can't compare myself with others out there. I have to do what God has called me to do and not get distracted by other things.

So what exactly has he called me to do right now? Not totally sure and that's part of it. To learn to hear His voice better and find out what exactly He wants me to do.

I'm at number four right now. Waiting and hoping on the agent thing to happen, but over the last four months I've learned not to dwell on the "What ifs." I'm slowly learning to get my priorities back in order.

God first, family second, writing third.

I'm not there yet, but I'm taking baby steps in the right direction. With that said, I still have my writing goals and dreams. I'm just not letting them control my life anymore. It's hard. But I take it one day at a time. Will I ever fall back into the "What ifs?" Sure. It's something I will have to battle daily. My name is Gina and I'm a writer...

I've printed out Mary's "What I can do", list and I plan to keep it taped to my desk so I can see it before I write. I think that's a good place to start.

So what number are you?

Mary DeMuth on Publishing

Portrait of Writing Mom, Faith, Writing, publishing

Mary DeMuth’s articles have appeared in Marriage Partnership, In Touch, HomeLife, Discipleship Journal.

Her books include Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God (Harvest House, 2005), Sister Freaks (Time Warner, 2005), Building the Christian Family You Never Had (WaterBrook, 2006), Watching the Tree Limbs, and Wishing on Dandelions (NavPress, releasing in 2006).

This post really touched me and I wanted to share it with you. I know you will enjoy it and don't forget to come back tomorrow for a follow up interview with the author.

By Mary DeMuth
Reprinted with permission

Someone I respect in the publishing business recently made this statement: Publishing doesn't validate your life. How true.

I have to admit before I was published, I thought that if I reached that nirvana called "published author," I'd have sweet validation. Every day would be smiles and dancing. You know what? I was wrong. Being published is terrific, mind you, but it doesn't bring happiness or validation. Instead, it adds more stress to your life.

Gone are the days when I could write for the sheer joy of it. Always looming is a deadline. And though I pinch myself because I "get" to write, and I feel like I'm doing what I was created to do, I sometimes get lost in the cycle of publicity, sales and marketing.

Maybe I'm the only one (and I'm embarrassed to admit this publicly), but I check my Amazon ratings for the three books I have in print. I know, know, know that these ratings mean very little. I know that a high rank (which is bad) just means that during that hour the book didn't sell. I know that if a band of readers (like a book club) went together and bought ten of my books in one hour, my rating would shoot lower (which is good). But it doesn't mean anything.

Why do I pester myself with such nonsense? After all, publishing doesn't validate my life, right?

It's like this weird endless cycle of neediness. It evolves in incremental steps of if onlys:

1. If only I could be published in a magazine, even if I'm not paid.

2. If only I could be paid to be published in a magazine.

3. If only I could go to a writer's conference and have an agent show an interest in my proposal.

4. If only I could sign with an agent.

5. If only that agent could sell my work.

6. If only I could have more than one contract.

7. If only I could earn out the advance for the book I wrote.

8. If only I could sell enough books so a publisher would want another book from me.

9. If only a publisher would treat a midlist author like me kindly.

10. If only I could make a living at writing.

That's a lot of if onlys!

I remember reading about blocked goals once and it's stuck with me. A blocked goal is a goal that is dependent on other's actions or happenstance. All these if onlys fit, albeit somewhat awkwardly, as blocked goals. I don't have any control over whether I'll get a contract offered. I can't make people buy my books. I can't make my book sell enough to earn back an advance. I can't control the fickleness of this industry.

What I can do is create goals that can't be blocked. Goals like:

1. I will listen to the heartbeat of God and write what He inspires me to write.

2. I will not let writing, by God's strength, overshadow the needs of my family.

3. I will write the best books I can write, always seeking to improve, abounding in humility and teachability.

4. I will be patient when sales wane and trust God's sovereignty.

5. I will promote my books with this motivation: to see the kingdom of God advanced.

6. I will laugh at the unpredictability of this industry and strive to be lighthearted.

7. I will serve others and not let elusive and fleeting fame (if that happens) inflate my head.

8. I will attend conferences, read writing books, and welcome critique.

9. I will serve my readers by praying for them and answering emails when God provides time.

10. I will write for the sheer joy of it, not despising unpublished words.

So, yeah, publishing does not validate me. Sure it feels great to hold my book in my hands. It's lovely when I get a good review. But it's the hand of God on my life that brings me ultimate validation. That God stooped to earth and chose me, a frail, needy girl, stops my heart every time. And by His grace, I will carry on.

A Word or Two About My Rings and Rolls

Check out my interview here.



Okay, I've gone a little blog ring crazy lately (check sidebar for new rings). But there are so many great ones out there. Please check out their guidelines for joining and specifics about their content. I try and join those I have lots in common with, like being a mommy, Christian etc. but just because someone is on a blog ring doesn't mean I "endorse" everything they say or do.

Same goes for my blog roll. Not all of these people have the same values and beliefs I do, but that doesn't mean I can't learn a thing or two from them.

Right now I have categorized my blog rolls in a way that it's a quick and easy reference for ME to run to when I need certain encouragement or questions answered. I hope you find if helpful as well.

At present time, my blog roll is manageable, but one day it might morph out of control. At that time I'll have to make the difficult decision of who and what to keep. So if you don't see your link on my blog roll, it doesn't mean I'm not reading. I have just moved you to my bloglines to manage all my extracurricular reading.

So now that that's said, feel free to browse the sidebar. If you ever put me on your blogroll, a million thanks and don't forget to let me know. I love to stop by blogs and make new friends.

Let Freedom Ring part 2

America: Return to God

We've been studying the American Revolution and the celebration on Sunday was a great way to wrap up our unit. The church dramatized the founding father's and their discussion of freedom. It was fun to see Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams come to life before our eyes. We had come to know these men a little over the last couple of months. One of the thoughts that stuck with my kids was how this small group of "rabble rousers" were able to get so many people behind them to start a revolution.

We saw how these founding father's were men of faith and learned to read using the Bible. And I posed the question, "were these men a bunch of rabble rousers wanting to pick a fight or were they men of great convictions and knew the importance of freedom in Christ and in their own lives?" I don't have the answer to that question because I wasn't there at that time, but it made us all think. And we decided that the answer would really depend on who you asked.

One of the things my children found fascinating in our study is that even back before the Revolutionary War, George Washington seemed to have a divine protection over his life. Standing well above 6 feet which was way above the average colonist, he managed to escape harm and death in the heat of battle with bullets whizzing by and men dropping left and right.

Then my children were introduced to terms such as human secularism, atheist, abortion, homosexuality. Though the terms all went over their heads, it was hard to ignore the images of teens and horrifying statistics flashed on the big screen.

For me it is easy to see the decline in our society's morality is linked to its Godlessness. Statistics and quotes were read from humanists years ago and how they were targeting the children through public schools to get God out. And their subtle influence is now evident. No prayer in school. Take God out of the pledge. Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. That's one reason why I choose to homeschool.

We've also been studying about Abraham and Lot. We just finished learning about the destruction of Sodom. After service, my 9 year old asked if God would destroy American like he did Sodom. If you compare America to Sodom, one may think the two have a lot in common. But God promises in his word, 2Ch 7:14 "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

So as you pray for your children before you send them off to school, remember to pray for our nation, the president, the troops fighting for freedom all over the world. God's Word will not return void, if we humbler our selves and pray and seek God's face our land will be healed.

Not Just For Bottoms...

Here's a quick idea for several uses for babywipes. I still keep them around even though my kids are out of diapers.

Keep them in your car and purse for quick clean up after messy drive through meals.

Keep them in your bathroom for those quick sink, toilet clean ups. I like to use them to clean the seams around the faucet, tooth paste off the counters (your kids can do this) and at the bottom of the toilet where it connects to the floor. (Really gross if you have boys!)

Use them for quick carpet, wall (watch out they may take off your paint), table clean ups (great for marker clean ups on our table). It's amazing how much these little guys will get out.

Use your imagination and you can come up with your own uses.

I also use clorox clean ups for tougher jobs, but they cost more and are harder to tote around.

For more great ideas that work for others go here.

And that's what works for me!

Let Freedom Ring part 1

On Sunday we attended an amazing service at a local mega church. They had advertised an "America: Return to God" patriotic service and since we're between churches, we thought we'd go. The service was not lacking in patriotism or the spirit of God.

The choir dressed in red, white and blue, belted out patriotic songs like God Bless America, The Star Spangled Banner, and America, The Beautiful. But when the men and women in union started marching onto the platform, I couldn't hold back the tears. Young and old, men and women lined the stage. A youth who'd be returning to Iraq. An old sailor dressed in white who could hardly salute the flag without his hand shaking. A buffalo soldier. And a WWII Pearl Harbor survivor. I don't know if I'm getting more sensitive in my old age, or if in the recent years events I'm able to appreciate what these men and women sacrificed for our freedom. Even hubby had tears in his eyes.

We celebrated freedom and worshipped Jesus in a wonderful service and it seemed fitting since Christ gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. I looked over at my 11 and 9 year old, singing and worshipping and wondered if they really understood everything that was going on. If they really understood about freedom. I don't see how they could. In fact, how can I even truly appreciate freedom when that's all I've known. Still, I'll celebrate this day like every other American and hopefully sit my children down for a moment to reflect on what freedom really means.

God Bless America. Happy 4th of July!

2006 Blog of Beauty Award

2006 Blogs of Beauty nominations are open. Be sure to visit Sallie and nominate your favorite Christian ladies' blogs in 19 categories. Some of them include

Best Biblical Exhortation
Does the best job of bringing biblical truth and exhorting others to walk closely with the Lord Jesus. (Blog does not have to be exclusively a theological blog.)

Best Discussion
Has the best discussions in the comments sections.

Best Encourager - General
Has the most encouraging blog content.

Best Homeschooling
Has the best content regarding homeschooling. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about homeschooling.)

Best Meet for a Mocha
The blogger you have never met and would most like to meet in person for a mocha.

Best Motherhood
Has the best content about being a mommy. (Blog does not have to be exclusively about motherhood.)

Best Quiet Spirit
Demonstrates a beautiful, quiet spirit through her blog entries.

Best Variety
Has the most enjoyable variety of content.


Nominations close on July 9th so hurry and vote. Finalists will be posted the next day.

Don't know where to start? First visit the guidelines, then try my sidebar. Hop on the blogrings, and surf the blog rolls. You'll be taken to some fun and exciting places and maybe make a few friends along the way.

For All You Aspiring Writers...

Camy, my writing friend and newly contracted author is having a critique service contest. Here's the scoop:

The Story Sensei Summer Sale
A writers' summer event!

From now until July 15th, I will be holding a fabulous contest for my Story Sensei critique service. I will draw the names of TWO lucky winners!

They will each receive:

A free synopsis critique – up to 10 pages single-spaced, a $40 value!
AND
A coupon for 25% OFF any manuscript critique – whether full or partial manuscript, any number of words.

For a 100,000 word manuscript, that's a savings of $250!

In addition, EVERYONE WHO ENTERS will receive a 10% OFF coupon for any service, whether synopsis, query letter, or manuscript critique (full or partial). For a 100,000 word manuscript, that's a savings of $100, just for entering.

Go to my Story Sensei blog and post a comment to enter the contest!http://storysensei.blogspot.com/

Meaningful Mondays

Well, I made it 21.5 hours without turning on the computer. I decided to log on because recently we've been allowing our 4 year old daughter to fall asleep in our bed with the lights out while I type on the computer.

Breif history. She's always been a terrific sleeper. One story, one kiss, turn on the music and blow a kiss at the door and she' fine. Then something changed a couple of months ago. Not sure what? We began parenting her differently and then she bit a gash in her tongue. (Totally unrelated to the parenting :) Besides being painful, the gash kept her from sucking her fingers. We thought that was a great way to get her to quit (it worked well for her older brother), but maybe this was when her bedtime routine changed. She started wanting me in her room for hours at bed time and she didn't fall asleep right away. Then it switched to sleeping with the light on, locking the closet doors and an extended ( not quite 2 hours) bedtime routine in her room. It got exhausting for me and her, so I decided to let her fall asleep in our room and so far its been great. I get to type and she falls asleep fast. Maybe she'll get used to the dark again.

Thus the reason for turning on the computer on Sunday night. (Okay, maybe I couldn't take it anymore.) Though, next week I'm going to consider the traditional Sabbath. From sun down to sun down.

Back to turning on the computer. When I logged on to my blog, I read this in my sidebar..

“ The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

Okay, a little conviction for turning on the computer early, but I'll have to do a deeper search on Crosswalk to find out the true meaning. Then the gerbil, I thought I trapped in my boys room, runs by my bed where Grace (4) is sleeping. How in the world can she see the gerbil in the dark? Must have supergirl eyes and to think she had to get her eyes checked out at the pediatric eye specialist when she was a year old.

Anyway, so now I have a little guilt running through my mind about the computer and a gerbil making noise and running over my feet, and my boys and hubby (aka gerbil catchers) are out watching fireworks.

So is this a sign from God or a distraction of the enemy? My children and I are studying about the armor of God, we're reading Little Pilgrims Progress together, and I just started a Bible study in which I'm learning about the old and new covenant. The old covenant of God (the Law), was replaced by the new covenant (Jesus) and many times Christians live in condemnation because they are still trying to live under the old law. Case in point. Yesterday I left you to ponder this scripture:

Exodus 20: 8 Remember to dedicate the Sabbath day: 9 You are to labor six days and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. You must not do any work-you, your son or daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the foreigner who is within your gates. 11 For the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and everything in them in six days; then He rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and declared it holy.

The letter of the law tells us not to work. Today that's all I've done getting ready for my get together with some fellow bloggers I haven't met yet. They're coming to my home tomorrow and the least I thought I should do was to declutter some hot spots so they don't injure themselves as they make their way through my home.

So, have I really kept the Sabbath? Under the old law, no, under the new, maybe. I think I could have done better. I would have liked to have had some quiet time to read the Word, but I didn't. So, should I sit here and condemn myself like I'm prone to do? That's what the enemy wants.

I've been teaching my children how Satan is sneaky and his weapons are subtle and come in the form of strife, jealousy, guilt, etc. Maybe I should listen to my own advice and put on my armor and pull out the sword. I guess, I'll have to ponder on this a little longer. I'm just thankful God's grace abounds!

Silent Sabbath Sundays

I'm trying something new in the effort to curb my blogging time. I'm going dark on Sundays. Yep, you heard it right. I'm not even going to turn on my computer. Gulp. I can't believe I just wrote that.

I've noticed I'm slipping back into my old habits, running to the computer more than God. (At least I've learned to run to God before the computer, but if we matched compared hours the computer would win.)

So I leave you with this scripture to ponder and decide for yourself what this means to you. Be sure and share what God's placed on your heart about this scripture or anything else!

Exodus 20: 8 Remember to dedicate the Sabbath day: 9 You are to labor six days and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. You must not do any work-you, your son or daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the foreigner who is within your gates. 11 For the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and everything in them in six days; then He rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and declared it holy.

Be blessed on this Sabbath Sunday!

Group Blogging at WIN Writer's of Inspirational Novels

I'm part of the ACFW's WIN (Write's of Inspirational novels) group writer's blog where I'll be blogging every Friday about writing related subjects.

Check it out and don't forget to let me know you stopped by.

Works for Me...No Messes

WFMW

This week's idea came to me last week during my AWOL Mom cleaning binge when I was cleaning out the cluttered craft closet/ pantry. With two simple ideas, I made my life a lot easier and hope it will make yours easier as well. Here's a little before and after.





Well, it occurred to me that if I take most of my middle son's crafts out of their original boxes and put each craft in a plastic bag, they could all fit in a plastic tub. So I did, and now he has all his crafts in one large bin. So when he's bored all he has to do is go to his craft box and finish what's already in there. One side note is I've now instituted the "finish the craft you've started before you start another project." Helps get those projects done and out of the closet.



While cleaning out the closet, I noticed the largest craft tub was the one we hardly ever used. Can you guess what's in it? If you said PAINT, then you're right. My kids love to paint and I hate the mess it makes. So I got this idea from a previous WFMW post I read where someone (sorry, can't remember who) put all the picnic supplies like plates, napkins, etc. in a rubber maid bin and left them on the back patio. So I thought if it works for paper, it has to work for paint.





The new home of the paint box is out back where the kids can mess up the place and I can hose the table and them off. It will stay out there all summer and fall, until it gets too cold to d crafts outside. One added benefit is there's more room in the pantry. See the empty space in my after photo. That's where the paint box went.

It works for me. Try it, it might work for you too! For more great ideas vistit Shannon.

There's Nothing Coy About Shirlee McCoy

Okay, forgive the lame title. I just couldn't resist.

Shirlee McCoy is a multi published inspirational author for the Love Inspired Suspense line of Steeple Hill. She is a wife, mom to four whom she homeschools and someone I'd like to be when I grow up!

Photo: Giordano Photographics

Welcome Shirlee! Can you tell us a little about your family and your call to homeschool and write.

I have four kids (ages 5- 11) and have been married to a wonderful guy for twelve years. I'm certified in elementary education and was teaching fifth grade in public school when I found out I was pregnant with my first son. Deciding to homeschool wasn't really even a discussion between my husband and myself. We just knew it was what God wanted for our family.

My call to be an author came more subtly. I've always been a writer, but it wasn't until my third son was born that I realized I was wasting another God-given gift. While homeschooling often feels selfless, writing can often feel self-serving. Being a published author seemed so much my dream, rather than God's plan. What I've realized is that God does not give us gifts He does not intend us to use. To that end, I work hard at writing and leave it to Him to determine my success in it.

Wow! Those last two lines really spoke to me! Thanks, I needed to hear that!

Why is homeschooling the right choice for your family?

It fits us. I enjoy it. My kids enjoy it. Yearly standardized testing proves they're excelling. I wouldn't say it's a calling so much as a lifestyle choice. However, I do think it's what God wants for our family. The way I see it, I can send my kids to school and go teach someone else's kids, or I can put my time and energy into teaching my own.

What do you do to encourage yourself during those stormy days every homeschooler has?

I remind myself that this is only a season in my life. That it will pass quickly. That I'd better hold on to every moment, eke out every bit of joy, because one day soon my kids will be grown and gone and I'll be left with clean floors, an empty laundry hamper, and memories.

Do you think it's possible to give yourself fully to raising children, home schooling, writing and keeping in shape?

In my life I don't feel I can give all these areas 100%.

Is it possible or should I stop striving to do it all and just do what I can and not feel guilty about it?

Did you have to mention keeping in shape? That I am not! However, I do have an answer to this question because I've spent a good portion of the last few months thinking and praying about this very subject. Here's what I learned: the only thing we should be giving 100% to is our relationship with God. Everything else we do is a byproduct of that. When we are right with Him, we don't need to fret about the rest of it. We still have to do the rest of it, but we don't need to fret. He will make the time we need. When we put Him first, our priorities become clear and we can more easily focus on each task He's given us to do.

Very well spoken/written. Definitely spoke to my heart again!

So how do you balance being a homeschooling mom, wife, and writer?

The answer to this is actually related to the answer to the last question. Just as we cannot give 100% to everything in our lives, we cannot even hope to find balance in our busy hectic worlds. To seek it is to find frustration. After three years spent juggling way too many things, I finally realized a sad truth. Spending three years juggling makes a person too tired to do much of anything else. So, I gave it over to God. I handed Him the wife ball, the mother ball, the teacher ball, the writer ball. I even gave him the cleaning, cooking, and laundry balls. In doing so, I freed myself of a very heavy burden. I still have a million jobs to do, but I do them one at a time. I focus on my kids, or my husband, or my writing and I don't let those other things float over my head or drop into my hand. When I get overwhelmed, I remember that the balls aren't in my hands, they're in His, and He is a much better juggler than I am.

How do you position yourself to HEAR God's voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?

God speaks in so many different ways. Through His word, through our pastors, through friends, family, and the quiet prodding in our souls that tells us when we're on track, or wandering away from where He wants us. To hear Him, all I have to do is take the time to listen. That means different things at different times. Mostly it means really long showers, but sometimes it means sitting on the front steps at dusk, or waking extra early to sit in silence.

Do you ever feel like you're neglecting your children when you write?

No. I really don't. They know they can interrupt me when they need me. Plus, my writing desk is in our kitchen right next to our homeschool table. We all work together. In many ways, my writing has become a family event. My boys like to help me plot. My husband comes up with interesting ideas. When I'm on deadline, my desk gets piled high with papers, we don't go to the park as much, and my kids and I count down the days until our manuscript-goodbye party. The day I'm ready to mail the book out, we go to the post office together, wave goodbye to the package (the post office lady has started waving back and promising to take good care of our "baby" for us), and then we go somewhere to celebrate.

Uh, you said you have a five year old. My four year old clireekhe walls, raids the frig and wreaks havoc on her siblings if I turn my back. How do you keep your youngest happy and occupied?

Oh, your little angel sounds so much like mine. Emma Grace is soooo busy and she just loves to get a rise out of her brothers! When she was three, I bought her a Barnie laptop toy. That kept her in her seat at the kitchen table for about six minutes at a time. Now that she's five, I buy playdough and craft kits. I usually spend a half hour or so doing something crafty with her before I write. Because Emma (and my third son, Seth) are such busy kids, it's really important for us to have some type of outside activity every day. Generally, that means a trip to the park or a walk in the woods. I find Emma is much calmer and more content when we've had outside time before I try to do any writing. Also, I signed her up for gymnastics when she was three because she was so active she was making me nuts! She's taken to it and now goes to the gym two days a week for an hour and a half. The boys and I stay at the gym, so it's kind of hard on us, but it gives Emma something that is just for her and helps release some of that energy she's got.

All that aside, the most important thing I do is talk to Emma about the importance of her role in the family. Like everyone else, she has a job to do. Sometimes that job is simply being kind to her brothers while I work. Helping me get my work done by entertaining herself for a little while is part of her responsibility as a member of this family. Team work is the name of the game in the McCoy house. If we work as a team to help each member of the family achieve his or her goals, things go well. If we're only out for ourselves and what we want, then things don't go so well. Even a four or five-year-old can understand that.

If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?

I have one priority. To have a right relationship with God. When that slips, everything else goes with it. To get back on track, I spend time praying and really listening to what God has to say to me. Sometimes it's simply that I'm not spending enough time studying His word. Sometimes it's that I've put other thing ahead of my relationship with Him.

Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?

That hasn't happened to me. I'm hoping it won't. If it does, I'll have to be obedient to Him. I'll feel like I've had an appendage lopped off, but I'll be obedient. .

Waving at you with one hand!!!

Did you ever feel like you've missed God in regards to writing or homeschooling, that maybe you should be doing something else?

There are times when I am so completely overwhelmed and exhausted that I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. At those times, I remind myself that things don't have to be easy for them to be right. Sometimes the things God most wants us to do are the things we find most difficult.

When do you find the time to write, and how do you handle interruptions in your writing life?

I usually write at the end of the day when homeschool is done and the kids are playing. Interruptions are part of a busy house. I just answer the questions, intervene in the bickering, fix the snack, and send everyone on their merry (or not so merry) way.

How do you get back into the flow of writing after you've been interrupted?

I grew up in a very busy house. I thrive on noise and activity, and I can quickly get back into whatever scene I'm working on no matter how many times I'm interrupted. The only time interruptions bug me is when I'm deadline, and even then only when I'm behind and feeling pressure. I've had to learn that the writing will get done, the dishes will get done, the laundry will get done, the cooking will get done. One thing, one moment at a time. To fret and worry about any of those things only steals the joy God wants for me. Instead of worrying, I try to throw myself into whatever I'm doing without thought to everything else I have to do. If I get interrupted, I try to focus my whole attention on whatever has interrupted me without frustration, anger, or irritation. Sometimes I'm successful.

Tell me about how you got your first writing break.

Hmmm, it wasn't really a break. I'd written two really horrible books and submitted them. I got great editor response, but no one wanted to buy the manuscripts. However, Melissa Endlich, from Steeple Hill, told me she'd love to see anything else I had. I had nothing, so I went to work writing another book. I was on bedrest at the time, pregnant with my last child. It was a trying time, but it was also the time when I learned that writing well does not mean an author is writing a good story. As I revised the manuscript, my perspective shifted and I could suddenly see the mistakes I was making. I rewrote the book and sent off a query a few months after Emma Grace was born. Seven months later I received a request for the complete manuscript. Eleven months after that, I sold STILL WATERS in a two-book deal. God's timing. That's the key to writing success. No matter how much we struggle and work, in the end it is up to Him.

What do you write and why this genre?

I write Christian romantic suspense for Harlequin Steeple Hill. I kind of fell into that. My first book, STILL WATERS, was more women's fiction/romance with a touch of suspense. My second was meant to be the same, but my editors asked me to shorten it for the new romantic suspense line that was being launched last year. The next thing I knew, I was a romantic suspense author.

What do you hope to accomplish through your novels?

I never sit down to write thinking I'm going to share Biblical truths, or teach valuable life lessons. However, I've learned through reader mail that my books do impact people's lives. I've gotten mail from women who have had read my books during medical crisis, family upheaval, job troubles and other difficult times, and they have found great comfort in my stories. So, now, even though I still purpose to entertain, I pray that God will reach who He will with what He will through my writing.

What advice would you give to writing moms?

Don't let your kids and husband become your excuse for not fulfilling the dream God put on your heart. On the other hand, don't let your writing dream keep you from being the wife and mother you should be. The only way to do this is to set reasonable, achievable goals and meet to them as often as you can. My daily goal is 2,000 words. If I meet that goal, I can write a Steeple Hill book in one month. Five hundred words a day would net me an 80,000 word book every six months. When a writer begins to work consistently rather than obsessively, she will fulfill her dreams without feeling guilt that she's stealing time from her family. Please note that I didn't mention laundry and dishes in that sentence. My house is clean and usually tidy. It is never spotless. Laundry, dishes, floors, stairs, are things that can wait. They don't grow up, move out, or make money. They do tend to morph into bigger messes if not taken care of, but bigger messes can be cleaned. Missed times with kids can not be reclaimed.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Knowing God';s will isn't always an easy thing. Doing it isn't either. To think that we should be super-moms and super-writers and super-wives and super-maids is only asking to be filled with depression, guilt, and anxiety. God has not called us to be super anything. He has called us to be His. That is our one true calling. When we focus on that, we spend less time worrying about everything else. This is a lesson I am constantly learning. Perhaps, by the time He takes me home, the lesson will have stuck.

Wow! I am speechless because my heart has really been ministered to! Who knew that a simple comment on my blog could lead to this interview and great blessing. I'm going to have to go back over this interview more than once.

Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview. I pray that God blesses you, as much as I know you'll bless others here, as you write, raise your children and pursue His calling in your life.

The Great Outdoors?

Just got back from a weekend of camping? So, I ask all you nature lovers. What's so great about camping in the great outdoors?

It takes half a day to pack and load the pop up camper and then two hours to set up when we get there. Factor in the ticks we have to pluck off the dog and each other and the paranoid mother (me) who won't let her children roll in the dirt and grass, and you've got maybe one day of fun before you have to spend another two hours packing up the camper to leave and more hours unpacking the camper at home. Then mom (me) has to spend the rest of the day doing laundry in hopes of killing all the stowaway ticks!

I need a vacation, preferably at the beach by myself with a good book, but since our mid-western state is land locked I guess a couple of hours at the nail salon tomorrow will have to do. If I can get an appointment.

BTW, I come home to my email and start bloglines hopping and find this!

I guess whether in the great outdoors or in the mall, there are critters lurking every where. Add clean purses to the list of chores I have to do today.

One of the Reasons We Homeschool

This brought tears to my eyes. I hope it touches your soul as well. It is one of the reasons we homeschool, but you don't have to homeschool to get it's message.

AWOL Mom: Day 4

The kids were pretty good this morning and did their chores. Chris even did Joey's chores without complaining.

For me, things have gotten progressively worse. I couldn't stand not cleaning so I decided to clean out the pantry/craft closet. Good thing I did because I found a couple of rotten/maggot infested onions on the bottom on the pantry floor covered by bags and boxes of crafts. Gross! I usually put my onions in the frig. Those must have been there for a while! I don't know why I didn't smell the onions, but I didn't. After I got it cleaned up I decided to tackle the craft side of the closet. Five hours later (in between doing crafts with Timmy and Gracie) I was finished.

I realized if you throw away those big boxes and put the crafts in seperate zip lock baggies you save a lot of space. I also got a great idea to keep the messy crafts and paints outside in a rubbermaid container so the kids can get messy whenever they want without messing up my kitchen.

(Will post photos after the weekend)

Before hip hop (me and the boys are taking a class together for the summer) hubby asked me what he should do for dinner. I got frustrated with the fact that he couldn't even decide on a dinner choice for himself.(The guy is Mr. Fix-it, McGuiver, and Joe Gardener all rolled into one, but he is completely lost in a grocery store or when it comes to cooking.)I told him there was a freezer and pantry full of easy prep food and for him to decide.

Side Bar: I think one of the most exhausting things about being a mom is fielding the endless questions from hubby and kids.

But equally exhausting, I'm sure, is having your wife be not satisfied with your decisions!!! (GUILTY)

Things have seriously gone down hill this evening. The kids are acting like they ate a pound of sugar for dinner. They are wild and out of control. Could it be they're excited about going camping? Well, I've been insanely busy trying to pack for 6 people to go camping with 2 of the kids destroying the house. I told them we're not going camping unless the house gets straightened and the way things look tonight, they better get up really early if they want to go camping tomorrow.

What I've learned:

The parents definitely set the tone in the household. Could mom and dad's arguement early have caused the kids to go down this destructive path?

I reached my disorderly home limit by day 3 and held out until day 4 to clean, but maybe shouldn't have waited until I was totally frustrated to deal with the messes.

Kids don't mind messes. Adults do! Kids will live in a mess and not care until an adult makes them clean up!

Kids are messy. If you have kids there will be messes. But kids will one day become adults. They will gripe and complain about chores, but if the stakes are high enough they will do it. Sure, it'd be great if they all wanted to be helpful just for the sake of being helpful, but let's get real. How many kids are really like that? They need motivation. Not bribes, but incentives to do what's right and then I think their moral conscious will catch up to them.

It's easier to clean up yourself instead of showing your child what to do, then reminding him five times to do it. I think that's the mistake most moms make. No one said this parenting thing was easy, but I beleive if we put in the effort now, we'll reap the benefits later.

That's all for now. We'll most likely go camping tomorrow so the AWOL mom thing may be a bust. I already told Chris it will be extended on Monday through Wednesday. But next week I will do things a little differently. I'll have the weekend to think about what exactly!

Just Add Water

WFMW

I almost didn't post a WFMW because I couldn't think of any brilliant ideas. Then I thought, sometimes simple is best, and a couple of photos are worth a thousand words. So here's my WFMW. Instead of going to the pool or water park today, I got to relax a little with a book while the kids enjoyed their own back yard water park. I'll let the photos do all the explaining!

A water hose at the top of the slide with a slip and slide at the bottom makes a great water slide.

Water in the trampoline cools their feet.




Run away water sprinkler!

The kids had a blast, and I didn't have to entertain them or leave home. That definitely works for me!

AWOL Mom: Day 3

We all slept in this morning and since we didn't have a car, I decided to do a little baking. I made blueberry cobbler, granola bars and peanut butter balls. Not too difficult, but there were a lot of dishes. The boys didn't complain about doing them and my oldest even said, "Yes, mom" after I asked him to do something and actually did it right away. He's notorious for getting side tracked.

The boys worked out a plan: my 11 year old (Chris, not his real name)will do the cooking and preparing of the food, and my 9 year old, Joey, will do the clean up. A friend called for Chris to play, but he didn't argue about having to do his chores first. He just humphed a little and asked what else he needed to do. But he did it all.

Then it was time for lunch and I supervised and guided Chris through making mac and cheese. Boy, is this a week of convenience food! He rose to the occasion, and I was so proud of him for not complaining. He got the dishes and served his siblings, and then Joey cleaned up. Then Chris was off to a friend's house.

Joey wanted to do crafts so I helped him through his chores. The kitchen looks decent, though there's still piles of crafts from Gracie, 4, on the table. The livingroom got picked up when I asked the first time.

Who are these kids? Are they obeying without arguing because they think this week of chores will end? Are they comprehending that we all need to work together to make this family run smoothly?

Timmy, 6, and Gracie,4, played nicely in the back yard in the sprinklers while Joey did a craft. Chris was 15 minutes late coming home because he was trying to call me and he was walking with his friend on crutches. It took them ten minutes to get to our house, which would have taken 3 minutes if his friend wasn't on crutches.

I kind of wigged out after Chris' friend left because the ten year old said, "Boy, all your rooms are messy." He was referring to the kids bedrooms where the laundry was dumped for them to sort and the dress up box was scattered on the floor. Gracie's room is always littered with toys no matter how much we pick up. And downstairs was a disaster as well.

So after the friend left I went on a cleaning drill sergeant rampage. I ordered Joey to sort and fold his clothes. He has a hard time with large tasks so I had to break it down for him and give him some breaks. I made Timmy, 6, put the dirty laundry in the basket and pick up the dress up clothes he and Gracie got out.

Things settled down and then it was time for dinner. Joey was going to a friend's house to sleep over, but I wanted the crafts off the table first. He got to work while Chris got some frozen chicken patties out of the freezer. He microwaved the chicken and opened a can of corn. He then called his dad to find out when he would be home with the rolls. Chris and Joey set the table without complaining and the kids sat down to eat when hubby got home. But hubby went upstairs to change clothes and was gone for 5 or more minutes. The kids were chomping at the bit, but Chris insisted we all wait for dad and eat as a family. Gracie couldn't wait and started nibbling her sandwich. Chris got upset and moaned how tired he was doing all the work. I noted how he sounded like me and he laughed and said, "But you're the mom you're supposed to do all this." Only about 15 years will change his mind, when he has kids of his own!

When hubby came down, we insisted on Chris taking the first bite, and Chris joked about how no one complimented him on the dinner. He said, "Mom, that's what you always say." But I had to wonder if he really felt unappreciated deep down inside because no one really praised his efforts.

Later after church, we had some problems. My usually compliant Joey, 6, repeatedly ignored my requests for him to go upstairs and get ready for bed. He played with his toys instead and by the 5th time I lost it and yelled and said he couldn't have a sleep over in his brother's room. I know I should have guided him upstairs, taken away the toys, etc. but Gracie was giving me trouble and hubby had disappeared, and I was tired. All excuses, but I felt bad for yelling because he's my most sensitive and things were going well today.

Timmy,6, got really angry and ran upstairs and yelled those words every mom hates to hear. "I hate you." I tried to reconcile with him, but it took hubby's intervention. At first he only wanted to apologize so he'd be allowed to sleep in his brother's room, but I told him that wasn't an option. Hubby managed to get to Timmy's little heart and he apologized and I gave him grace and said, "Chris can sleep in your room." And all ended well with day 3 of AWOL Mom.

AWOL Mom: Day 2

We rushed out the door to go blueberry picking this morning and we all had a great time. Of course, yesterday we read Blueberries for Sal. It was 9:30 am by the time we got there and most of the bushes were picked over. We still managed to pick 5 lbs. of blueberries.


Afterwards we had a discussion of what we wanted to do today. Swimming, movies, bowling. They really couldn't make up their minds, so I decided for them, but said "first we have to make sure the dishes are clean and put away." This sent my 11 yr old into a little rant.

"Why do we always have to earn fun? Blah Blah Bah."

I pulled out lecture 132 and told him all about having to do chores before we have fun. And that the Bible says if you don't work you don't eat. Then I listed off all the fun he didn't have to earn. Like going to Disney World every other year, or the family swim pass at the water park, or the movie matinees. You get the idea. He eventually saw the light, stopped complaining and apologized.

I can understand where his 11 yr old mind is coming from. This summer I instituted the "you get to play as much Play Station time as you practice piano or your typing." I got the idea from a friend and since he doesn't like to practice piano or typing, it has really helped!

They cleaned the kitchen rather quickly with not much complaining or reminding of what they needed to do. I asked my 6 year old to unload the dryer and he whined a bit. But I asked him whose clothes they were. He said, "Mine," and then he grumpily did the chore.

Then we headed off to Pizza Hut to cash in our Book It coupons. I decided to get my 11 yr. old the buffet and the younger 3 got the personal pan pizzas with the coupons. Last time we went my 11 yr. old got the buffet and my 9 yr. old wasn't happy. This time he threw a fit. Not the kicking and screaming kind. More like I'm going to shut down all ability to think and reason and not talk to anyone, except whine like a 2 year old.

I tried compromising with him, no deal, I tried telling him the pizza on the buffet wasn't exciting, alot of veggie stuff. Still more whining. I even said if he wanted to use his money to buy a buffet for himself he could. He refused. His older brother offered to buy him the buffet if he stopped whining. He refused. I told him I was sorry, it was unfair, but we needed to talk about this or I'd have to call dad and he'd miss the movie because he'd be going to dad's office. Still wouldn't budge.

Luckily dad was literally 2 miles down the road so I called and he showed up. My son calmed down, but my hubby informed me he would eat 9 yr. olds pan pizza and let him have the buffet. I said no go. It'd be like giving Veruca Salt a golden goose. I tried to compromise with the boy, tried to get him to talk, but his anger consumed him. I remember this happening once before.

My husband almost had to wrestle the boy into the car (totally unlike my son who is usually the most compliant child I have. Yesterday he had no problem doing the extra chores.) Finally the thought of missing the movie coaxed him into the van and I reminded him of the last time this little fit happened. I told him he probably needed to eat. Once he got some food inside of him he'd be able to think straight.

And guess what, I was right. After the first couple of bites he calmed down and literally came to his senses. He was smiling and said, "You were right mom." So I learned a huge lesson. When my son becomes so rigid in this demeanor, not wanting to compromise or talk it out, I need to feed him. Could be a low blood sugar thing, but I was so happy to have my fun loving son back.

After the movie, it was pretty uneventful. Hubby brought home Subways, but I was prepared to show my sons how to microwave the frozen chicken sandwhiches we have in the freezer.

So what have I learned thus far:

Setting limits really works. I don't need to yell to get them to do things, I just need to let them know that if they don't work as a part of this family, then they don't get to have fun.

I realized I rely on my older two too much to do the chores and my 6 year old can help with laundry as well as my 4 year old.

I'm learning that sometimes it's worth having a messy house just to keep the peace, and I need to lighten up my expectations especially in the summer time. (Today they started making a fort in the livingroom.)

One thing I've been stressing this week is that we're a family and we need to help each other. If we all work together than we can get the job done faster. I hope this week will teach them that and let them see just how much work I do do.

Confession Time:
I wiped the stove once and put away a bib left out on the counter. I also put away my own dishes and pick up after myself, but that's okay! I want to teach them to do the same by my example.

Tomorrow we're stranded without a car, and we're babysitting a three year old. It should prove to be interesting since I have some "schooling" planned.

Operation AWOL Mom: Day 1

I've had a rather peaceful morning. I don't know whether it's because we weren't running out the door somewhere or if it's because of my children's new found responsibility.

I was greatly impressed with my oldest child. He usually yells at his little sister for everything she does wrong. In fact, earlier he came up stairs in tears telling me that his sister had just killed the pup (did I mention he's also dramatic) because the pup ate a marker tip that she threw on the floor. He was quite upset and I remained calm, telling him to protect the dog from her by putting him in his kennel or outside.

Later I heard the same son and daughter laughing and having fun in my son's room. He came to me and told me he was playing with her. Then later, he was watching a movie with her and was still smiling. They were all getting along. I leaned over and whispered to him, "See, she usually acts up when she wants attention." He smiled and nodded his head like he "got it."

My 9 year old, hands on son was busy downstairs transforming the livingroom into a carnival. We all went downstairs when the carnival was opened and started playing games. For the most part, everyone had fun, though my competitive oldest son questioned the fairness of the games.

9 year old raided prizes from all the kids rooms. He had them priced at 5, 10, 20 and 35 points. You won points by playing the games.


Then I suggested they start making lunch. Oldest son decided to make it a game and said his cafe was open. I suggested he take their orders and everyone wanted his famous grilled cheese. Basically, he microwaves shredded cheese on a plate, peels it off and puts it on toast. It's a big hit here.





While they were eating I suggested they come up with a plan for the chores this week that I usually do. I heard a little talk, but nothing that they've agreed to. We'll see what happens.

Then my 9 year old asked politely for me to make popcorn so they could watch a movie after the carnival. I said I'd teach them how to make it. After putting the oil in the pot we discovered the top was in the sink. Yes, we make our own popcorn, not the microwavable stuff.

So 9 year old finds the lid in the pile of dirty dishes and frantically washes it with soap before the popcorn pops. Oldest son is grossed out and claims he won't be eating any popcorn. We get the lid on the pot in time and the movie starts. Oldest son doesn't want to watch the movie so goes to his room. I'll have to check and see if he has any popcorn with him.

So far it's been a surprisingly good morning. But I'm anxious to see what happens when their friends come to the door and the dishes are still in the sink.

Later:

The after noon went well. I retired to my room for a while and later found oldest son and youngest daughter watching a movie. He had an empty bowl of popcorn with him. The middle two boys were watching a movie downstairs. After the movie we did a little reading, but in the middle of our story the doorbell rang. It was my 11 year old's friend next door.

He looks at me pleading, and I tell him after we finish reading they have to do the dishes. Motivation really helps kids do things. They really didn't fuss and I walked them through loading the dishes. In the past they usually put their own dishes in, but the sink was piled high with pots and pans. My 9 year old was a trooper and got to work. They split the stuff in the sink and loaded the dishes. When the dishwasher was full there was still more dishes in the sink. I really had to think on my feet.

I told them all the dishes would have to be out of the sink before they could go and play. My oldest fussed a bit and I told them they chose not to do the dishes all day. They could have run a load of dishes and not have this problem. My 9 year old washed the first few dishes by hand and then my oldest did. But it got done with much less complaining and nagging than I normally would have done. It's amazing what clear boundaries can do to a kid.

After playing it was time for dinner. But I wasn't cooking. The boys had their first karate class and my husband was rushing home from work and wondered if he should pick something up to eat. I said it was his decision, but there was some things he could microwave.

By the time I got downstairs my husband was in full force, microwaving chicken nuggets and green beans (our staple veggie.) He found some apple sauce so give him points for a somewhat balanced meal. I helped a bit by putting a dish or two away, but that was it. I figured, they were running late. It was the most stressfree meal I've ever attended.

The boys rushed out the door and me and my daughter played and giggled all night. When the boys returned home they were wired. Guess I shouldn't have sent them to Braum's with free ice cream coupons. But all is quiet now. My 4 year old daughter is having a sleepover in her big brother's room (11 yr. old). There must have been some serious sibling bonding going on there especially since my son hasn't come out of his room to complain. Did I mention she sleeps with the light on? I guess my son won't mind as long as she's quiet. He usually reads way past bedtime anyway.

Well, the first day is over. You said you wanted details! Tomorrow we're rushing out early in the morning to go berry picking. The dishes are clean but in the dishwasher, the dirty ones are in the sink and the livingroom isn't that bad. They cleaned up the carnival. Crafts still litter the kithen table, and I found my son's popcorn bowl in the hallway. I actually bent down to pick it up and then stopped myself. I don't think I could have done this if I was homeschooling. I'm so glad it's summer!

It's been strange doing nothing all day, but also very relaxing. I only blew up once when I found my 9 year old under his brother's bed instead of in his own. (Ice cream before bed heightens disobedience, I'm sure of it.) So I go to bed with a successful day behind me and lots to contemplate. I'm hoping we're all going to learn a lot from this experience, and that tomorrow doesn't blow up in my face!

Operation AWOL Mom: The Experiment

The Premise:

What would happen if mom was suddenly Absent WithOut Leaving the home?

What would happen if mom didn't pick up after the kids, cook or maintain the house?

What would happen if the kids were given gentle reminders instead of nagging and arguing?

Would they rise to the occasion? Would they be responsible or wreck havoc on a some what orderly environment?

The Hostiles: (okay, too much 24!)

11 3/4 year old son, 9 year old son, 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter, and unsuspecting 40 something year old husband.

The Limits:

They are responsible for their own meals and clean up. (There's plenty of no prep food or microwaveable food in the home, and yes, I will be there to supervise their efforts, guiding and making meal suggestions. Junk food and candy does not constitute as a meal.)
They're responsible for the dishes. (No clean forks? Wash them yourself.)

They're responsible for their own laundry. (They have plenty of clean clothes albeit in laundry baskets.)

They're responsible for their toys. (It's going to be hard watching the livingroom transform into a jungle of toys. As we speak they're setting up a carnival downstairs.)

The Rules:

These may need to be adjusted as time goes by, but my one big rule is that if the dishes are still in the sink, no playing with friends or electronic goodies.

The Reason:

Most moms feel unappreciated and neglected at times, and do way too much for their family, putting up with long durations without hearfelt appreciation. I want to see just how far these kids will go before their internal moral code takes over and they begin to see themselves as part of this family, responsible for the things they do and the messes they make.

I want my hardworking husband to see my job is hard as well and that a little more appreciation would go a long way!

I need a vacation!

The Challenge:

Will the boys rise to the occasion or will I break down and start cleaning like a mad woman. Only time will tell?

The Duration:

One week or until I can't stand it anymore!

Day 1: 10 am

The Kitchen:

Dishes have piled in the sink from the weekend. (My biggest pet peeve) Several gentle reminder have gotten the boy to unload the dishwasher, but not load it. There are still enough cereal bowls and utensils to last two days.










The Livingroom: The boys have started to set up a carnival. I hope I can stand the mess and not break down and start cleaning.

The rest of the house is basically untouched. Stay tuned for the progress of this mission.

There's a Place for Us...

We've been churchless for over a year now. Some times I feel like singing the theme song to "West Side Story."

"There's a place for us. Some where a place for us..." You get the picture.

Visiting church after church, Sunday after Sunday isn't easy. But the kids have been good sports and living in church central USA, almost every church we have visited so far, we've known someone who attends.

So today we decide to visit a church down the street. I think the hardest part in choosing a church after having attended the same church for 12 plus years, is that we really don't know what we want in a church. I'm beginning to figure that out.

I know I want a church that focuses their praise and worship on Jesus, not on "what Jesus can do for me or how much he needs to change me."

I know I want a church where I can be myself. That means wearing trendy jeans (not of the low rise variety) or a more dressy dress.

I know I want a church where the pastor is real and engaging. I'm beginning to think I have selective ADD which rears it's head during church and household chores.

I know I want a church that preaches a relevant message that I can take with me throughout the week. Like how to walk out my faith in the real world.

I know I want a church where my kids can learn and grow in the Lord. Some churches are all about the fun and games, and bells and whistles. My kids have fun there, but they don't learn much. Then there are those churches that are dry and boring. No good for my kids either.

Some churches I know I'll never visit again. This isn't one of them. It seemed to have all of the above. After over a year of searching could this be the place for us?

To Open or Not to Open...

A large manila envelope rests on my cluttered desk. On the envelope lies a computer CD, a recipe I got off the internet, a preschool directory, a Civil War reenactment brochure, and my latest cozy mystery brainstorm. I have starred at it for weeks, not sure if I should re-open it. You see, I know what's inside. I browsed my Genesis contest scores and skimmed over the comments. I think I've memorized the scores.

92, 76 and 49. Talk about all across the board.

The 49er had lots to say, though I wonder if the person every read suspense before.

To my disappoint middle of the road, 76er left no comments. What a bummer, a jip, a waste! I want to know how I can improve. But with middle man or most likely woman, I'll never know.

Then there's good old 92er! Gotta love her. She gave me top score for my dialogue which greatly contrasts 49ers lowest score for dialogue. Go figure. Guess contest are really all relative.

But this is the WIP that caused my obsession. The very WIP I had to lay aside for a season. Do I dare pick it up again? Do I submerge myself back into my main character. I really hate to leave him hanging, and I so hate to leave the WIP 1/2 finished. I'd rather it be awful and finished than hanging in limbo. That digital photo commercial comes to mind. The one where the people inside the photos inside the digital camera are begging to be developed. Sometimes that's how I think my characters must think.

Part of me feels like a quitter, a failure for not finishing. Another part of me feels like a hypocrite for writing on this blog. Still another part loves being free to pull away from the computer to be with my kids more. Gee, didn't know I had multiple personalities!

So what's this all about? I haven't got a clue. But it makes me feel better talking about it. Now to bring it all home.

Anyone else out there have the same manila envelope sitting on their desk. Better yet, can you beat my crazy scores?

Filling those Baggies

I don't know why I didn't think of this years ago. How many times have we all tried to fill a freezer ziplock baggie with soup or homemade sauce to have it flop and spill all over the place? Marketers got wise and made those stand up baggies, but I could never bring myself to pay extra for them. So tonight after I made homemade tomatoe sauce, I got out a bowl and put the baggie inside the bowl! Easy transfer and no mess!

It definitely works for me!

Gina, My Holmes Girl!!

Portrait of Writing Mom, Faith, Writing

Gina Holmes is a freelance writer, whose work has appeared in Woman's Day, The Roanoker and Epiphany's magazine. She also co-runs the popular fiction blogs: Novel Journey and Novel Reviews, where she has interviewed Frank Peretti, Karen Kingsbury, Ted Dekker and more than a hundred others. She makes her home in Roanoke, Virginia, where she types her third novel with one hand, vacuums with the other, and listens to incessant knock-knock jokes from her two boys.

PORTRAIT: Gina, thanks so much for agreeing to share your life and struggles with me. I was drawn to you because we seem to be in a similar life stage and are playing the waiting game with publication. Not to mention the cool name! It is my desire to learn from your experience, and I hope those who read this interview will be blessed by your journey.

Tell us a little about your family and a typical day in your life.

HOLMES: I have been married for ten years and have two sons, Jacob and Levi (9 & 4). We live in Southern Virgina in a 1920’s craftman’s cottage in the world’s best neighborhood. I work part time as a RN, freelance write here and there for magazines and try to get my novels published. I wake around six, have coffee and post on my blog, Novel Journey. I then walk my son to school, come home write, edit, work on setting up blog interviews, etc. Get my younger son off to school, write some more. Run around the house about five p.m. cleaning. Make dinner, take the kids to the park or wherever, write some more, read the kids a book and pray with them and go to bed.
Pretty boring stuff.

I remember at one point you were homeschooling. How long did you homeschool? Why and when did you stop?

I homeschooled my older son for 2 years. I stopped because something personal happened in my life and I had to go back to work full-time for a period. My son’s been happy in public school, so we’ve let him continue.

When you homeschooled how did you fit writing in?
Oh, everyone will hate me but the truth is my son Jacob is self-motivated. He woke up, made himself breakfast, got out his curriculum and went to work. If he needed help, he’d call for me.

I worked along side him writing while he did his schoolwork. I doubt that would have worked that well with my younger son who I adore but is much higher maintenance.

Gee, you’re no help in figuring out how to write and homeschool! :) This is my second year homeschooling and it seems like every week when things get tough, I’m questioning whether homeschooling is right for my family. Did you ever second guess when you homeschooled or were you assured homeschooling is what God wanted for you and your family?

I did a lot of research before I chose to homeschool and the judgment from friends and family was almost unbearable. So I was constantly having to defend this decision. It was the right one at that time. I’ve always said we’d take one school year at a time. My son is so bright, and worked hard without prodding. I knew he was doing great. When he went back to public school he was ahead of the game.

Would you homeschool again?

Sure. Every year we reevaluate. Next year he’s going to public school but if something comes up, we wouldn’t hesitate to homeschool again. I think there are huge benefits to it.

I heard you’re an RN as well as a wife, mommy and writer. How do you juggle all these things in your life?

Good grief, no idea. I gave up TV and the majority of my once grand social life. I bring the laptop if I take the kids to the park or play zone or wherever and write while they enjoy themselves. I like things clean and orderly and have had to abandoned my tight ship and chill out about the way I would like things to be. I was once a bit of a gourmet, hah, now I don’t cook it if it’s not boxed or frozen, pretty much.

I guess we Ginas are a lot alike! :)

What do you do to keep yourself sane during those crazy days at home?

Well, I’m not homeschooling anymore but it still gets crazy when both boys are off (ugh, summer vacation). I have a couple of close friends I can call when I’m at the end of my rope who always make me laugh at myself.

Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing or homeschooling, that maybe you should be doing something else?

I’d love to say no way but that would be a lie. I had at one point wanted to be a missionary. I’ve done some work with CEF (Christian Evangelism Fellowship: At home missionaries that evangelize children). I got to lead quite a few children to Christ and that seems so much more important than little old suspense stories. But, every time I pray for guidance, God makes it clear I’m on the right path. I may go back to missionary type work someday. That is where my, and I hope all Christian’s hearts are, but for now I must focus on the task at hand.

Do you ever feel inadequate in any of your roles? If so, which ones and how do you battle those feelings?

Are you trying to make me cry? Gina’s are so mean! I feel inadequate in every area in my life sometimes. I’m a confident person. I’m happy with most of my life. I know I’m a good mother. I know I’m a good writer, a good friend, etc. Most of the time. When I start questioning my abilities and I’m a melancholy so I’m way moody—high highs and low lows—I just remind myself tomorrow I’ll feel differently. A good night’s sleep usually cures those down on myself feelings. (And reminding myself that I’m the daughter of the King of Kings).

That's great advice. I have some melancholy in me also!

What one thing/person keeps you going when you felt like quitting?

Great question. I had a boyfriend back in college who liked to say, “Never say die.” I got to hate that saying. But whenever I thought failure was imminent, he would say that and ask me what I needed to do to make success happen. I got rid of the guy but kept the mantra.

I also have a couple of writer friends who pep talk me when I’m sure the latest rejection is going to send me over the edge. We talk each other down. It’s so important to have good friends.

Do you ever feel like you’re neglecting your children when you write? How do get over that mom guilt?

Oh yeah and I am. But I just have to look at my beautiful, sweet, happy, well behaved and loving sons to know I’m doing just fine.

Well behaved sons? Gee, you’re no help, again! I thought I’d be able to learn something from you. :)

If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?

I am very goal oriented. Everything I do I balance against my overall goal which is to get my books published and have them be as excellent as possible. If I thought writing would hurt my children, I would stop. I do have to remind myself to spend time with God before writing and that’s just a matter of reminding myself on a daily basis. It should come more naturally than it does. I’m a work in progress.

I hear ya! Maybe it's a Gina thing.

Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that? If not, how would you handle that it if he told you to hang up your laptop?

I have not had to do that. I’ve asked myself this question. Could I stop if I needed to? Honestly, Gina, I don’t know. I have such tunnel vision now. It would really have to be a compelling reason. I’m not sure I could stop writing. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Well, take it from a fellow tunnel visioner. If God wants to get your attention, all He has to do is cave in the tunnel. I hope you never hit that road block.

How do you handle interruptions in your writing life?

I hiss. I need to turn the phone off but I’m kind of lazy and don’t. I have a pretty good ability to block out the world when I write so it’s not too much of a problem.

How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?

I reread the last chapter and that usually puts me back in the zone.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

I don’t think so. Thanks for the thoughtful questions. It’s not the easiest path: homeschooling and writing, but both are so worthwhile ministries that only you can do. I’m proud of the folks that are pulling off that juggling act.

Well, I don't know how well I'm pulling it off, hense the red light on writing from God. But I hope to get a yellow light soon!

Just Go With the Flow...

I’m not an early riser. I covet a good night’s sleep, and I’ve been known to hit the snooze for an hour before feeling awake enough to get out of bed. So when I woke at 4:30 a.m. this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, I wondered what was up?

I often told God if he wanted to meet with me, He’d have to wake me up. I mean in a wide awake, after some caffeine, I’m ready to take on the world awake. Ten minutes later my four year old daughter climbed in bed with me. After an hour and a half of willing myself back to sleep, I was still wide awake.

6am.

Okay, God!

I can probably count on one hand how often I’ve gotten up before my four kids in the last five years. Though I long for time alone, to read my Bible and rest in the stillness of a quiet home, sleep has always been a priority. But this morning I wasn’t sleepy, and it was easy to get out of bed.

I crept down the stairs, started some coffee and a load of laundry. I even had the time to mix up a breakfast omelet and feed the pup. Proverbs 31 woman move on over! Then I got my Bible and went out on the patio to spend some long awaited quiet time, just me, God…and the puppy.

I opened to a devotional entitled, “Learning to Wait on God: Trust.” The passage that went with the devotional was about Daniel and how he trusted God to save him from the lion’s den. I can’t fathom what went through Daniel’s mind as he sat all night surrounded by a bunch of hungry lions. Did he sleep soundly or was he too afraid to sleep? Was he restless or did the peace of God overshadow him? One thing is certain, Daniel had to be patient. He had to wait on God and trust Him for deliverance.

I’ve been learning to wait on God as well.

My writing career isn’t where I want it to be and homeschooling my four children is a huge challenge. (To put it nicely) One I question on a weekly basis. I have really bad days, like Danie’s in the lion’s den, where it seems I’m surrounded by others pulling and tearing at me from every side. I’m restless at times, and anxious to get out of my den, but my night is not over, yet. Just like Daniel had to be patient, so I too wait it out, not knowing when daylight will come or what it will bring.

The winds of change have been blowing through my home the last couple of years. I’ve caught the current, not knowing which way God would send me and most times not understanding where He’s taken me. I am not a patient person. I don’t like to wait. Maybe it’s my New York Italian upbringing, maybe it’s the society we live in when waiting for more than five minutes in a drive through becomes unacceptable.

Waiting is hard. So is trusting God. But Daniel survived the night and so will those who wait on the Lord. After 37 years, I’m beginning to understand that the waiting is all apart of the journey and without the journey, there can’t be a final destination. Though I stumble along the way and have many scrapes and bruises to attest to my shortcomings, God is always there, picking me up, and guiding me back down the right path.

Maybe trusting isn’t so hard after all. All I have to do is follow God’s lead. How hard could that be? :)

It’s got to be easier than fighting the wind current or waiting all night in a den of hungry lions.

Works for Me...Long Car Rides

WFMW


Here's a couple of ideas to keep the kids happy while driving to your vacation destination. Last year we took a 3 1/2 week driving trip starting in the Midwest to Florida, then up the East coast to Plymouth, Mass, over to Philly and back to the Midwest. Here's what kept my kids happy and me sane!

1. I packed paper lunch bags full of snack items, books and toys. I labeled the bags with each child's name or number (I have 4 kids) and wrote the destination or check point where they got to open their surprise goodie bag. Most stuff I got at the dollar store. I also raided the bottom of the toy chest for those forgotten toys and discarded activity pads. The kids loved getting their bags and it kept them busy for a while. And they were always happy to find a snack.

2. A long time ago, before car and portable DVDs, we purchased a 13 in. TV with a VCR. It has gone with us on many trips. Sometimes in the lunch bags, they found new movies to watch. If it was a short weekend trip, we rented videos from the video store. At one point I counted close to 20 videos in the video bag, so I started taping shows like the Magic School Bus, Liberty's Kids and Cyberchase. We got 6 hours worth of educational video on one tape which cut down on the videos we took. Also to answer that dreaded question of "How much longer?" We would tell them one more video. Or two videos. One caution is to avoid taking 30 minute videos. If your kids aren't able to switch them out it gets real tedious reaching back to change the tape for them.

3. During the week I don't let my kids play a lot of video games, but on a long drive I'm okay with gameboys as long as they don't play it the entire time. This year they finally convinced me to let them bring a game system in the car. I didn't want to deal with Nintendo cartriges or Play Station CDs, so we found an inexpensive controller unit that had over 100 games and we only had to worry about plugging it in! That was a great investment and the kids look forward to it while they travel. I like it because there's no parts to lose.

4. To keep me busy I usually bring books or take craft projects. I've been working on a cross stitch for 4 years now! I only pull it out in the car, but when I do, I get a lot done. My hubby likes to listen to books on tape when he drives. He uses a small tape recorder with head phones. We also do a lot of brainstorming and planning on those long drives and keep a pen and paper handy!

That's all for now. If I think of some more traveling tips I'll try and add them on!

Difficult Decisions

I hate trying to make decisions when I haven't really heard from God.

It's fifteen minutes until registration for co-op classes for next year closes, and we're undecided. Everything looks great on paper. The boys would attend four classes and lunch one day a week, but I don't feel an overwhelming peace. Maybe it's because I feel rushed to make a decision.

I'm reluctant to put them in classes because they are 80 minutes each, and I'm not sure if my boys will be able to handle that amount of time in their seats for four classes. I tried to choose classes that were interactive, but once you committ to the year, you're obigated to pay the full tuition. The co-op didn't allow us to visit while classes were in session. They say there's a two week grace period and we could drop a class with a $20 penalty, but how can we make a decision after two classes?

At first my husband wanted to send them all day so I could get a break. Homeschooling has been such a stress on our family, and he wants to do what's right by us all. But what's the answer?

Things can't go on like they did last year, and there doesn't seem to be any perfect options, so while we discussed the co-op once more, I huddled in bed under the covers content to stay there for the rest of the afternoon and forego making this decision.

Time for registration is now past. We can always sign up in August, but there's no guarantee the classes will be open. I have no clue what to do next year. I want God to write the answer on the wall.

When we decided to homeschool I didn't have clear direction from the Lord, and it's been the hardest two years of my life. But what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? So I press on, hoping that my suffering will turn to joy. That all the struggles we face day to day will produce everlasting fruit. That some how my children and I will figure this homeschool thing out and the hard days will be a fading memory of the past.

I know God will be with us no matter what we decide. Even if we totally blow it and make the worst possible choice. Still, I'd rather know God's will and be in it than to wander blindly in this homeschool desert. But then again, maybe that's what He wants. For me to follow Him blindly in this journey.