I think the most dreaded word in the english language is the word WHY?
Why you ask? Well, most of our unanswered questions from God start with the word why. Go ahead, take a moment to ask your own why question of God. So, did you get an answer? Maybe you did, but chances are if you're like me, you didn't like the answer.
Why is one of those words for me that stirs up more questions than answers. It's a word that can often depress me.
Why is there such evil in this world?Those last couple of questions were the ones I faced the first morning of the writer's conference. And it's so easy to give the pat answer...because it's God's will or it will happen all in God's timing, but the truth is, it still hurts. When you've been longing for something for so long and see no fruits of your labor, then it hurts!
Why can't I lose my extra pregnancy weight?
Why do my kids love to push my buttons?
Why do I have to go through trials and suffer?
Why is homeschooling so hard?
Why do others have writing mentors?
Why do others move quickly in their writing career while mine crawls at a snails pace?
But that's not where God left me. After I went through my why not me monolgue, I gave it over to the Lord, again. It's not my job to get published. That's God's job. And he reminded me that it's not for me to know why he chooses to do things in a different way. Why someone who may have just begun his writing journey gets a book deal and others have to strive for years and years and years.
He also reminded me I need to take my eyes off the prize and keep them focused on the road ahead. Along my path to publication I think I lost my voice and became more concerned with perfecting the craft than with writing God's heart in the way only I can.
Well, I'm back on the path. I'm renewing my vision for my writing that God has called me to and when He thinks that voice is ready to be heard, it will be.
Will I still ask the question why? Most definitely, but I will hopefully be content when God chooses not to answer.
5 comments:
Good for you. I get tempted to do this occasionally, get my focus off od and on getting a book published, a painting sold, or whatever else my hart gets set on. He keeps having to pull me back in and remind me it is up to Him, not me. Yesterday I began to be tempted to want to go to a conferance since everyone else is and it seems like they had fun. My best friend, a published writer who has been there and done it, who knows who goes and who doesn't looked and me and said straight out, "I hate to say it but you wouldn't fit in. You would hate it there. It is defintitly not your thing." She's right. I know that. I am glad you all went and had fun. I am glad the Lord has refirmed His plan for you.
Wonderful thoughts. Thanks for sharing so honestly.
Why am I stuck at 55,000 words on my novel and have nothing more to say about the matter?
Published, heck, that was my dream going into the conference. Now I'd settle for a pat on the back.
Just a little bit of self-doubt going on here.
You know what, Gina. The whys change. Why did You pick me? Will I disappoint you? Will they realize they made a mistake? Why only one book? Etc. I take comfort in the fact that no matter how much I cry or question, God hears and captures every tear. He loves me even when I wrestle with Him from a place of desperation. I just want to be in the middle of where He wants me.
Wonderful words of encouragement everyone! Thanks, you are ALL a blessing.
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